Celebration and sadness

Firstly I hope you all had a lovely christmas and new year.
Ours was blissful in our new hobbit mansion.
All the babies were here for christmas and it was wonderful to be able to spread out and enjoy each other's company, even though it was chaos it was relaxed and happy :-)
They all went home after christmas and were replaced by our dear woolly firend's who we never see enough of, so the time we spend together is always really special :-)
They stayed for Homer's 50th birthday yesterday and we had a brilliant evening with our bestest woolly friends.

But our new year has also been tinged with sadness, I hadn't realised how sad I was until someone made an innocent comment about my grammer, it wasn't a bad comment and was meant in the best possible way, but has pushed me over the edge.
I have dyselexia, I can't spell I can't punctuate and number's are a mystery.
When I was at school dyselexia didn't exist and  I was told to I wasn't working hard enough and I needed to concentrate and try harder.
I muddled through and all was well with my world.
I was good at being creative and still am, I know my limits and know my faults.

But being dyselexic is totally irrelevant and not the thing thats making me sad, its just the thing that has triggered my realisation of how sad I really am.
My sadness is about Ted Bad Poodle.
He's at home, laying on the floor dying, its his time, he's had a good life and now is his time to go.
He's always been faulty he has really bad hip dysplasia, it was diagnosed when he was 11 months old, the vet told us he wouldn't make it past the age of 10 due to his problems.
He's now 11 and a half so has squeezed and extra 18 months of living in.
He has always been a really happy friendly dog, but was a family pet rather than devoted companion.
Since we moved to Lynton I have taken over walking him, he walks very slowly and so do I so we are well suited and he has become my dog.
A few months ago he was bullied by the Exmoor ponies in Valley of the Rocks, we thought he wouldn't recover, but with lots of love and persistance I managed to get him back on his feet and enjoying life again.
But this time its different, he's stopped eating and is slipping away slowly.
We took him to the vet yesterday and she gave him some injections, she said they may help, if not to take him back tomorrow for his final trip.
He hasn't improved over night and time is ticking away.
And there is nothing I can do to help, I feel so helpless

Here we are on Christmas eve, enjoying one of our last walks together.